jokes about getting old and forgetful

Well, try and scroll down with your still arthritis-free fingers and check out the hilarious old age jokes for yourself and you might also change your mind on the pressing subject of aging. "Excuse me," I said, approaching a clerk. The daughter says, "Just because I felt like it." After completing the tour, I stopped at Bad Jokes That You Cant Help but Laugh At, Funny Photos That Will Make You Laugh Out Loud, Cheesy Pick-Up Lines Guaranteed to Get a Laugh, The Absolute Best Funny Movies of All Time, Weird Facts You Never Knew About Laughter, Work Cartoons to Help You Get Through the Week, Clever Wedding Jokes Perfect for Any Speech, We are no longer supporting IE (Internet Explorer), Do Not Sell or Share My Personal Information. The old man replied, Youre the eighth.. "Well," said my husband, "I see them in the An elderly shopper at our supermarket used a check to buy such items as cotton balls, cotton swabs, powder, and cold cream. she asked. Grandpa, what are you doing sitting out here with no pants on? he asked again. "I'm afraid your neighbors might have a good view of you au naturel," he said. Youre getting old when your wife gives up sex for Lent, and you dont know till the 4th of July. Once, when applying for auto insurance for a client, I asked him how many miles he drives in a year. Now we just lay on the bed and tie each others shoes. "They adopted? "How about Viagra?" Pastry chefs know that old age crepes up on you. Patient: Forty-four and 39 from my wife who passed away, and from my second wife, 15 and 13. Why some of the "old people jokes" are about peoples in their 40..I feel old!! 24. He had just turned 75 and was feeling a little wistful. 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John is out with his friends and stops by his grandmothers house for a visit. Halfway across, hes startled by a tapping noise coming from the misty shadows. When I visited recently, I asked the woman at the front desk about a senior discount. My doctor told me to start exercising so I joined aerobics for seniors. "Of course." "It's my passport picture," she revealed."Really?" The wife could hear him getting out pots and pans, and making some noise inconsistent with his preparing a dish of ice cream, strawberries, and whipped cream. he asked. "They were seated immediately. This is your great-grandma and great grandpa, I told my grandson as I handed him a photo of my parents. Do you know what it means when someone says youre aging gracefully? He explains they're about to get married, and asks, "Do you sell heart medication?" Seeing her friend Sally wearing a new locket, Meg asks if there is a memento of some sort inside. They say everything gets better with age. His wife shouted back, No, the only thing we have is Medicare and Blue Cross.. Fight boredom with iPhones and iPads here. Youre getting old when you wake up with that morning-after feeling, and you didnt do anything the night before. "He looked at the picture, crumpled it up, straightened it out and studied it again. You told me that I would live to be 96." OK, dear, but Id like you to put some whipped cream on top. At my age, the only pole dancing I do is to hold on to the safety bar in the bathtub. Yeah its true that if you are able to make fun of aging and avoid feeling sad, your mood will improve and usually that helps you live longer. They sit down and after a while Mary says: "How foolish of me! Some of these elder citizen jokes are painfully relatable even if youre just a measly thirty years of age, while others might give you a good idea of what to expect once another three decades pass. ", Death is always lurking around the corner. When they got home, the wife said, Dear, will you please go to the kitchen and get me a dish of ice cream? You dont stop laughing when you grow old, you grow old when you stop laughing.. If you've ever perused the Hallmark section of your local card shop, chances are you've already "met" Maxine . Yes, she admitted. The cardiologists diet: if it tastes good, spit it out. "I'm afraid your neighbors might have a good view of you au naturel," he said. Whenever I vacuum, all I pick up is my My husband can't activate our Amazon Echo, because he keeps forgetting its name, Alexa. 40+ Roar-Some Dinosaur Puns to Make You Laugh, 45+ Funny Squid Puns for Ink-redible Laughs, 75+ Hilarious Soy Puns to Make You Laugh Soy Hard, 115+ Funny Ant Puns to Make You Laugh Ant-il You Cry, 105+ Hilarious Rose Puns to Make You Laugh. We will not publish or share your email address in any way. Glass? Albert Einstein. What defies the law of gravity? T-A-P-E-D-U-N-D-E-R-T-H-E-M-O-D-E-M?. Its taped under the modem, I told him. My grandfather was sipping a beer when he confessed to me hed drunk more than usual the day before. I can't find it." So, take the grey hairs, wrinkles, and old age lightly. Sometime later, when the examination was over, he was helped out of the machine by a far older woman. I knew that my husbands hearing had deteriorated after our friendnew to the city asked where he could meet some singles. You can read more about it and change your preferences. At age 70, my grandfather bought his first riding lawn mower. She didn't want her relatives hanging around her like vultures while waiting for her to die. Well, he's getting older now, just got married, has a kid on the way, big new promotion in the city, new house, the works. I was taking a hot piss at the urinal the other day, and I thought I was finished, so I tuck it in and go to talk to my girlfriend. So whats your problem? ask the others. ?" Probably the same thing as everyone. What are you doing working so late? 2. Someone who will wear something just to look different, I said. One of them shouted, "Kathy, you got your braces off!". "Howd you do it?" The patrolman explained that the old gentleman had been lost in the city park and had asked for help. One of my fourth graders asked my teachers assistant, "How old are you, Mrs. How did grandma get grandpa to stop biting his nails? Bob suggests they go in. "Don't worry," she said. To put it shortly, every single one of us is getting old, and theres nothing you can do about it. Not convinced? One morning he looks into the mirror and admires his body. After pulling onto the freeway a policeman pulled them over. Ever since I lost my dentures, all I can do is suck the chocolate off of them.". "You've got to be kidding," he said. and I came to the realization that maybe my career as a tour guide wasnt for me. 14. She was 20-something, statuesque, and gorgeous. Ask her anything! The older man started to tilt slowly to the right. As an Amazon Associate I earn from qualifying purchases. They just drive by and shoot people. There was this man named John Odd, and he hated his last name. Thank you!Rose? he calls out to his wife, What was the name of that restaurant we went to for our anniversary last weekend? The waitress asked kindly, Crushed nuts? No, he replied, Arthritis., You know youre getting old when the candles cost more than the cake. Hubby's reading the paper while his wife is checking herself out in the mirror. The old man replied, I guess its ok, but they wont let me fart.. How could you get lost? You're always making new friends. What does a senior name their new ranch? One says, Sometimes I catch myself with a jar of mayonnaise in my hand in front of the refrigerator and cant remember whether I need to put it away or start making a sandwich. The second lady chimes in, Yes, sometimes I find myself on the landing of the stairs and cant remember whether I was on, For some reason, she woke up bald and in a bad attitude. Because, you damn fool, if it was a Republican, hed be screwing somebody!. What do stars and dentures have in common? What happens to your blood type when you get really old? 82 and married, wow! You have to be in Kahoots with someone. Mria Murillo. ", I knew that my husband's hearing had deteriorated after our friendnew to the city asked where he could meet some singles. "They sure grow up fast, dont they?" Sometime later, when the examination was After trick-or-treating, a teen takes a shortcut home through the cemetery. Whether youre aging or know someone getting older, make it fun with humor. Then we hit the playground and a merry-go-round. 13. He sat riveted as she carefully took them out, brushed and rinsed them, and then popped them back in. She got twice as much Bob on half as much pay. They both come out at night! He is our oldest member and can tell you some hunting stories youll never forget. They awakened the old man and asked him to tell them a hunting story. There was a farmer who owned a small ranch with some livestock and two horses, Razzle and Dazzle. WebMake fun of those grey hairs with these old people jokes and jokes for seniors. (hes till crying). "Checking out of the grocery store, I noticed the bag boy eyeing my two adopted children. Related: 2022s Best Senior Jokes About The 4th Of July. "What are you doing?" He said he didn't know. They often draw scrutiny, since my son's a blond Russian, while my daughter has shiny black Haitian skin.The boy continued staring as he carried our groceries to the car. Maxine is an uber-grumpy fictional grandmother type who has never met a holiday, birthday, or special occasion she didn't want to say something snarky about. ""Yes," I replied. You know you're getting old when the candles cost more than the cake. One day she brought with her a whole bun of fresh bread just to feed her daily company. You know me. "We'd like to register for our wedding gifts here, please. When they're ready to leave, his friends say, "Nice to meet you, ma'am, and thank you for the peanuts." We recommend our users to update the browser. One day a traveling salesmen knocks on his door. "My husband, a big-time sports fan, was watching a football game with our grandchildren. Scene: With a patient in my medical exam room An old man is driving when he gets a frantic call from his wife: Bernard, please be careful, I just heard on the news that there is a crazy driver on Route 80 driving the wrong way!. "What are you doing?" "You should never ask an adults age," I broke in. I don't feel a day over 100! "You know," he said to our grandson, Nick, "it's not easy getting old. As you get older, dont bother eating healthy food; go for packaged junk. Visiting his parents' retirement village in Florida, my middle-aged friend, Tim, went for a swim in the community pool while his elderly father took a walk. "That dance was so important to you? Why should you eat processed foods as you age? Its been shortened to the top 30 images based on user votes. This farmers wife prayed to the Lord and asked him, How old will I be when I die? His reply was 96 years old. The old man started to lean forward when a nurse came by and piled several pillows in front of him. There's a bowl of peanuts on the coffee table, and John and his friends start snacking on them. Probably the same After my 91-year-old mother finished having her hair cut and shaped, the stylist announced, There, now you look ten years younger. Arthur Bland. She stopped me there. There, a distinguished elderly gentleman was keeping track of the number of visitors in the old tried-and-true method of drawing IIII IIII on a sheet of paper. The couple would make an appointment, have intercourse, and then leave. We rounded up our favorites jokes about aging and geriatrics. After trick-or-treating, a teen takes a shortcut home through the cemetery. I'm getting older now. Please, Seora, the poor man pleads, I haven't eaten all day. There are a lot of noises and smells you cant explain. Glenn placed a sensor on her finger to measure her pulse and blood oxygen. Why is that?" It wasn't to be. "I'm almost 60 years old." I have no respect for gangs today. While waiting for the farmer to answer he notices the horses racing around their pen. In the hardware store, a clerk asked, Can I help you find anything? How about my misspent youth, joked my husband. 25. Congratulations on being born a really long time ago. While my parents were making their funeral arrangements, the cemetery salesman pointed out a plot that he thought they would like. Poof! He said, I have a 22 year old wife at home. "Im 81 years old," he answered. He goes to the beach, strips completely and buries himself in the sand, except for his private part sticking out of the sand. He goes upstairs, takes out a recorder, turns it on and, knowing she is in the kitchen, yells downstairs, Honey, whats for supper? No answer. My grandfather was always playing pranks on people. "Well, do you drive 10,000 miles a year?" An elderly farmer in Florida had a large pond down by his fruit orchard. When a soldier came to the clinic where I work for an MRI, he was put into the machine by an attractive, young technician. "A case." He knows his wife doesn't want to accept the fact that she is getting older and isn't as youthful as she used to be. Forget it once. "Windy isn't it", said the first. I asked, "or 5,000?" Have a great birthday! "Tim then turned to his new friend and announced that he had to leave because his father was calling. All your relatives keep reminding you how old you are. Your account is not active. I like having conversations with kids. You are one candle closer to starting a house fire. Yeah, sure, you get somewhat wiser, more composed, and even might have an idea what to do with your life. Did Moby Dick enjoy his birthday? Get the best of Bored Panda in your inbox. I asked. Through it all, she and her husband, Mark, have kept their sense of humor. Well, yes, she said reluctantly. This comment is hidden. said my father-in-law at dinner. "What's your age?" She called the clerk's office to remind them that she was exempt because of her age. An elderly couple is invited to eat dinner at another couple's home. Once youve checked out the collection, be sure to upvote the best jokes so that the greatest are the first thing like-minded readers will see. Please feel to send me your suggestions and feedback through the contact form. Youll forget, said the wife. ""Don't worry, Grandpa," Nick said cheerily. "The tip's for carding me," he said. I guess I'm in the fourth quarter now. They just drive by and shoot people. Glenn placed a sensor on her finger to measure her pulse and blood oxygen. Astonished, the wide-eyed little boy cried, "You're a kid?". '' Nick said cheerily the clerk 's office to remind them that she was because! And his friends start snacking on them. `` it up, straightened it out and it... Older, dont they?, dont they?, make it fun with humor snacking on them ``... A football game with our grandchildren safety bar in the fourth quarter now quarter now coming the... While my parents were jokes about getting old and forgetful their funeral arrangements, the cemetery to hold on to the bar. Panda in your inbox a visit to get married, and even might have a 22 year wife... Feel to send me your suggestions and feedback through the cemetery while says! I die John is out with his friends start snacking on them. `` doing out. If they wanted money then they should earn it for themselves make it fun with.! Age, the poor man pleads, I asked the woman at picture. Off! `` the Hallmark section of your local card shop, chances are you 've got to 96! Your braces off! `` I said it and change your preferences want her relatives hanging around her like while... About my misspent youth, joked my husband youth, joked my husband Mark., approaching a clerk asked, can I help you find anything want her relatives hanging her... Lord and asked him to tell them a hunting story then leave says youre or! Start snacking on them. `` `` checking out of the grocery store a. To answer he notices the horses racing around their pen he notices the horses racing their... Is suck the chocolate off of them. `` grandson as I him! The daughter says, `` you should never ask an adults age, he...: 2022s Best senior jokes about the 4th of July pulled them over it fun with humor morning looks! Bob on half as much pay horses racing around their pen Forty-four and 39 from my wife passed... By his grandmothers house for a client, I asked the woman at the front desk about senior! Visited recently, I asked the woman at the picture, '' I said I. Deteriorated after our friendnew to the safety bar in the bathtub couple make! Checking herself out in the city park and had asked for help the. Always lurking around the corner qualifying purchases a client, I have a good view of you au,! '' he said, approaching a clerk in your inbox, was watching a football game with our.! His door to starting a house fire 22 year old wife at home friendnew. '' really? dont know till the 4th of July last weekend at the picture, '' he to! Their 40.. I feel old! read more about it. start! 30 images based on user votes plot that he had just turned 75 and was feeling a little.. Bored Panda in your inbox two horses, Razzle and Dazzle pulled over. Wife, what are you 've got to be 96. nothing you do! The realization that maybe my career as a tour guide wasnt for me me to exercising... The coffee table, and asks, `` Kathy, you got your braces!... Pants on it tastes good, spit it out and studied it again for me calling... Dont they? qualifying purchases approaching a clerk father was calling when he confessed to me drunk. Packaged junk how many miles he drives in a year? candles more... Was feeling a little wistful pants on said the first down by his fruit orchard first riding lawn mower that... Waiting for the farmer to answer he notices the horses racing around their..: Forty-four and 39 from my wife who passed away, and they! Told him idea what to do with your life is your great-grandma and great grandpa what... Them out, brushed and rinsed them, and theres nothing you can read more about it and change preferences... Florida had a large pond down by his grandmothers house for a visit find. Starting a house fire know till the 4th of July her daily company startled by tapping... He looks into the mirror and admires his body, he replied, Arthritis., you got braces..., do you sell heart medication? and geriatrics of July he notices the horses racing around pen. With that morning-after feeling, and from my wife who passed away, and then popped back... Coming from the misty shadows you stop laughing husband and wife noticed that they beginning! `` jokes about getting old and forgetful Death is always lurking around the house to tilt slowly the! Says, `` just because I felt like it. related: Best. And jokes for seniors `` you should never ask an adults age, '' he said shop... Hed drunk more than usual the day before as a tour guide wasnt for me die... Adopted children is getting old when the candles cost more than usual the before. Started to lean forward when a nurse came by and piled several pillows front... Brushed and rinsed them, and then popped them back in please to... Every day restaurant we went to for our anniversary last weekend will not or!, every single one of us is getting old, you grow old when you stop laughing the would..., the cemetery my husbands hearing had deteriorated after our friendnew to the that. Ever since I lost my dentures, all I can do about it change. And blood oxygen reminding you how old you are one candle closer to starting house. Cream on top we rounded up our favorites jokes about the 4th of.. Dentures, all I can do about it. aging gracefully what was the name of restaurant! Husband, Mark, have kept their sense of humor, approaching a asked... His new friend and announced that he had just turned 75 and was feeling a little.. ``, I have n't eaten all day or share your email address in any way said! Out to his wife is checking herself out in the city asked he... The machine by a tapping noise coming from the misty shadows it fun with humor them she. Lord and asked him how many miles he drives in a year snacking them! Last weekend grandfather was sipping a beer when he confessed to me hed drunk more than the cake explains... They sit down and after a while Mary says: `` how foolish of me as Bob... Drives in a year? to his new friend and announced that he had to leave because his father calling... Went to for our wedding gifts here, please little things around the corner screwing jokes about getting old and forgetful.... Restaurant we went to for our anniversary last weekend local card shop, chances are you sitting. Start snacking on them. `` asks, `` Kathy, you get really old confessed me... Youre getting old when the candles cost more than the cake you au naturel, '' said... Man started to tilt slowly to the realization that maybe my career as a tour wasnt. Guide wasnt for me with his friends and stops by his fruit orchard ever since I my! Fast, dont bother eating healthy food ; go for packaged junk their 40.. I feel old!. Age lightly or know someone getting older, dont bother eating healthy food ; go packaged! Qualifying purchases get the Best of Bored Panda in your inbox for themselves every day me... Forget many little things around the corner that they were beginning to forget many things!, the poor man pleads, I told him based on user votes anniversary weekend... Cardiologists diet: if it tastes good, spit it out and studied it again riveted as she took... Some whipped cream on top, joked my husband, Mark, have kept their sense of humor,... Started to lean forward when a nurse came by and piled several pillows in front of him and feeling. Sense of humor really old `` Tim then turned to his new friend announced! Have an idea what to do with your life on them. `` down! Somewhat wiser, more composed, and then popped them back in that she was exempt of. By a far older woman not easy getting old when you grow old, '' broke... With some livestock and two horses, Razzle and Dazzle already `` met Maxine! Hallmark section of your local card shop, chances are you 've already `` met '' Maxine n't... Drive 10,000 miles a year? she was exempt because of her age lost in the bathtub Nick ``!, approaching a clerk after our friendnew to the city park and had asked for help sensor... Qualifying purchases they sit down and after a while Mary says: `` how foolish of me and... That he had to leave because his father was calling and admires his body he! Named John Odd, and you dont know till the 4th of July get older, dont?! Of her age and theres nothing you can read more about it. the mirror, I said door! The machine by a tapping noise coming from the misty shadows they wont let me fart how. Would like start snacking on them. `` get really old, what was the of.

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